


we'll piss off the neighbors (and phil too)

by localopa



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Based on a text post, M/M, Making Out, Ruined Moment, dan ruins shit, not smut because i'm not a sinner, pre smut, when doesn't he
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 09:26:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13478532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localopa/pseuds/localopa
Summary: how to ruin a moment: a thesis by daniel howell





	we'll piss off the neighbors (and phil too)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [phansdick (skeletonflowers)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeletonflowers/gifts).



> rachel blames me for her fic so i'm going to blame her for mine. i sent her a text post and said write this and she turned it into sin and i didn't because i'm a good christian boy. title from pillowtalk by zayn malik. enjoy.
> 
> xx oliver

_ how to ruin a moment: a thesis by daniel howell _

 

they’re making out. nobody’s shocked that their evening of trying to catch up on anime and eating too much pizza ends with them sucking face. it’s not that hot, phil can taste the pizza grease in dan’s mouth and he knows that, despite the hopes of dumbass fan fiction writers, the grease cannot replace lube. also it’s fucking disgusting, go to church. 

 

phil knows that dan wants sex, 8 years does wonders on your knowledge of your partner. he gets whiny, whimpering with any touch from phil and grinding down to just get friction. dan’s in a mood to get fucked quick and fucked fast, none of that lovey dovey shit or kinky sex. fast, hard, and a quick handie will give dan the endorphins he needs. 

 

there’s pizza grease on his neck now, he feels gross and he wants a shower. but his dick is hard, dan’s dick is hard, we all know where this is going.

 

dan detaches their lips and places kisses all over phil’s neck, he know phil’s a sucker for them. he moved his hands down to dan’s hips, trying to still his hips. it doesn’t work (like it ever does), dan starts dragging his teeth along the pale expanse of phil’s neck. it elicits a soft moan from the older, gripping his hips harder.

 

“dan,” he breathes. “please.”

 

he doesn’t even have to look at dan to know he’s got a little smirk on his face. dan pulls away to throw his shirt off, moving his hands to tug on phil’s shirt. the pizza grease soaks into the fabric of the shirt, and phil regrets ordering pizza. at least it’s not chinese. that shit is barely even filling. there’s still residue as dan drags his dirty ass fingers over his stomach and phil groans. the thing is, he doesn’t want to stop, exactly. dan isn’t exactly the smartest person when he’s horny, then again, who is? he has a one track mind, his dick gets hard, phil’s dick gets hard, he wants phil’s dick inside him, and then he wants to nap while phil’s left to clean everything up. it’s the  _ american dream _ , dan once said when phil brought it up. nevermind the fact they’re both painfully british.

 

somewhere in being lost inside his mind, phil’s shirt ends up getting off and he doesn’t know how he didn’t notice. dan’s naked spare his boxers, trying to do the same with phil. there’s tugging and dan’s getting progressively more whiny with each passing moment phil’s jeans aren’t off. he usually doesn’t have much control over dan until he sticks something in him, mouth or ass, so he sits back and lifts up his hip and lets his boyfriend take care of things.

 

his jeans are thrown off and land in the pizza and it makes phil sick to his stomach. those are his good jeans.

 

dan’s lips are back on his neck, hands palming him through his boxers, hips grinding down onto his thigh.  phil knows how this night will end, on his back with dan clawing his nails into his chest and almost drawing blood. it’s rare that dan doesn’t ride him for the past few months. and it’s not because phil’s almost 31. dan’s been in a mood lately where apparently he can’t “fuck him right,” despite the fact dan is fucking loud as shit anytime phil so much as move his hip while inside him. and riding his dick is a whole different feeling than getting fucked by it because  _ angles, phil, it’s all about the angles. _

 

phil thinks he’s full of shit.

 

“phil,” dan breathes next to his ear, sending shivers down his spine. “need you to fuck me.”

 

this actually shocks him, it’s been so long since he’s actually had to really work for his orgasm. dan’s been doing all the work for months, he doesn’t even know if he remembers how to fuck the proper way anymore. 

 

“really?” phil’s awe has dan giggling. “you don’t want to ride me this time?

 

dan shakes his head, running a hand through his boyfriend’s fringe. “nope, i like you how i like my emotions.”

 

um. okay? he’s said some weird shit during sex before, but this probably tops the list.

 

“explain?” phil rests his hands on dan’s hips, rubbing his thumbs into the skin. “i don’t understand what you mean.

 

shaking his head again, dan smirks and leans in again, lips brushing the skin under the ear. “buried deep inside me.”

 

phil has to fight the urge to groan, just grips dan’s hips tighter. dan leans back and just has his dumb little smirk on his face, biting his lip like he’s holding back laughter. he  _ really  _ can’t help himself when he slaps dan in the face.

 

he got his hopes up.

 

dan barks out laughter after a moment, falling into phil and crossing his arms over his stomach. “you should see your face! oh, my god. i don’t think i’ve seen you so pissed since we started dating.” he can’t stop laughing on phil’s behalf, face turning red. “you look so fucking enraged, holy shit. why haven’t i done this sooner?”

 

phil pushes dan off of him, not like the younger cares. he just continues laughing on the couch, wheezing and dimples on full display. he’s going on and on about how he’s been planning this for weeks and it was  _ so _ worth the wait. it doesn’t matter, phil’s still pissed off as he gets up from the couch and gather his clothes.

 

“where do you think you’re going?” dan finally catches his breath, leaning up to look at phil.

 

“to take a shower,” he says bitterly, giving him a dirty look. “someone got pizza grease all over me.”

 

this sends dan into another laughing fit, and he doesn’t notice that phil’s actually left the room until he hears the shower start up. “are you seriously mad?”

 

“yes! i know you’re into some kinky shit, but you don’t say that!” he slams the bathroom door close, stripping the rest of the way before stepping into the shower. his hand never disappoints him.

 

dan’s sleeping alone tonight

 

(they do sleep in separate beds, but dan manages to sneak into phil’s room the next morning to wake him up with a blowjob. he’s still mad at dan, but you can’t be mad at dan forever when he sucks your dick. but only phil would know that.)

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr @ astronomerhxwell


End file.
